SPEAKING OF VALUES By Joseph Walker

Stuff you should just know In my 54 trips around the sun, I’ve learned a few things. You might say that I’ve been around the block enough that I not only know where the pot holes are, I know their depth, dimensions and distinguishing features. So I think we can safety assume that there are a few things I should know - stuff that I should just do naturally, without thinking, because I’ve been around long enough to know better than to NOT do them. You know? Like the other day at the airport. I’ve been caught in traffic or delayed by long lines at the ticket counter enough that I know that it’s better to get there early and sit at the gate for a few minutes than it is to get there late and have to scramble through the airport in a mad dash against the clock. So last week I made sure that my 17-year-old son Jon and I got there in plenty of time. We negotiated the lines comfortably and found good seats near our gate to wait for our flight. No anxiety. No angst. No hassle. No sweat. About 20 minutes before our flight was scheduled to leave it occurred to me that we should be boarding. But then, the flight that was scheduled to leave from our gate at 10:59 a.m. was boarding; I assumed our 11 a.m. flight would board soon thereafter. About 10 minutes later it hit me: they wouldn’t schedule flights to leave at 10:59 a.m. and 11 a.m. from the same gate - would they? It was then that I finally decided to check the updated departure schedule on the nearby screen. There was our flight, set to go at 11 a.m. In fact, the screen indicated that the flight was boarding. But it wasn’t boarding at the gate number that was printed on our tickets. It was boarding at another gate in another concourse, which was practically in another time zone. By the time we realized we had been relaxing in front of the wrong gate it was 10:53 - seven minutes before our flight was scheduled to depart. So we started to run. Now, keep in mind that I haven’t run any distance since the first Reagan Administration, and suddenly I’m sprinting through the airport like one of those idiots who don’t give themselves enough time to get there comfortably. Only I’m not one of those idiots - I’m one of those idiots who know that you should always check your gate assignment on the electronic message board because, as it says right there on the ticket, gate assignments are “subject to change.” But didn’t. Yeah - one of THOSE idiots. By the time we got to the correct gate my legs were numb, my lungs were on fire, my shirt was soaked and our plane was gone. The people at the airline were very nice about it. Evidently people do this all the time. This is why they print the words “subject to change” on the ticket next to the gate assignment - so idiots like me can ignore them. Of course, they shouldn’t have to do that. We should just know that we need to check our gate assignment. We shouldn’t have to be told. Just like shampoo makers shouldn’t have to print the words “not for internal use” on each bottle of shampoo. Or like match book manufacturers shouldn’t have to put the words “close cover before striking” on each book of matches. Or like TV advertisers shouldn’t have to broadcast the words “do not try this at home” underneath every quick turn on a car commercial. There’s some stuff you should just know. But occasionally we need reminders. So let this be a reminder to you: Check your gate assignment on the airport message board. Don’t drink shampoo. Don’t light matches with the cover open. Don’t try dangerous stunts at home. Do all the stuff you already know you should do, and don’t do the stuff you already know you shouldn’t do. No matter how many times you’ve been around the block - or the sun, for that matter.